I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
We got so high we made milksteak
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
