So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
