So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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