So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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