she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize