i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
