Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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