So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
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