tell your sister to shave her snatch
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
