I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
