I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
