So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
