You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
