He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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