He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
