Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
