im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
