I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Randomize