i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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