I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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