who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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