To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
