she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
