I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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