nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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