is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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