Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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