I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
