Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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