You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i came on her dog
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
