Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
