...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
is this the sara with the beer cane?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
