I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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