just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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