So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize