So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
