Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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