dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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