I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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