Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
