so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
