Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
