i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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