some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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