all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
