she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
