shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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