yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
