You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
how drunk are you?
Several
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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