I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
