Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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