I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
