I faked an abortion last night.
too bad you live with your parents still
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
