During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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