I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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