guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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