you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
