the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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