are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
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