Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
