Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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