I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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