spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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