Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
