There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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